Relationship expert Michael Fiore reveals why most men are scared to commit (even when they’re deeply, madly in love) . . . exactly what he feels when he thinks of being with you “forever” . . . and how to get HIM to be the one to beg YOU for a serious relationship.
Hey, it’s Mike Fiore…
And today we’re going to talk about COMMITMENT – why men are SCARED of it and how to make him BEG you to be his girlfriend or wife . . .
(Actually, real quick: If you want to learn my own story of how I went from being a “Player”— seeing and sleeping with multiple women and refusing to commit to anyone —to being absolutely romantically and sexually devoted to the woman who is now my wife, go watch this special (and very emotional) video I put together for you: How a “normal girl” turned from a player to an absolutely devoted husband without playing “Games.”)
OK, let’s get to it!
Helena Boyle asks on my Facebook Wall . . .
“Hi Michael, I have a question for you in relation to an email you sent me. In the email, you said that men in general, want to sleep with more than one women, if not billions,as this is part of their hardwiring,and this is why they find it hard to commit to one and say goodbye to this dream.
My question is – why ?, – it cannot be for sex,as they have that in a committed relationship,cannot be companionship (cough!) what is so different to a man,is it just the pursuit and catching as many woman as he can,the constant search for a perfection no woman could/would measure up to in his head. Do men then just settle down in a relationship simply because they get fed up looking and settle for the closest to their perfection thats in their head?”
Hi Helena,
Great question.
First off, let’s give some background for your question so everybody gets caught up.
The email you’re referring to talked about a concept I call “The Death Of Possibility” and is one of the reasons many men are so deathly afraid of commitment.
The short version is that deep in the back of their lizard brains (and totally unconsciously) most guys cling to the idea that they COULD sleep with bajillions of women if things shook out just right (They got rich. They got a six pack. They got a bigger dick. Whatever. It’s not rational.)
Truly committing to a woman (and not just giving commitment lip service) means “Killing” that possibility and it’s really pretty devastating to a lot of guys to do so. (Guys who have no ability to attract women find it easier to commit because they’re just happy to have A woman at all — these are the guys who ask you to marry them on OK Cupid before they even meet you. Avoid them..)
Now on to your question, which basically boils down to “why do men want to have sex with a lot of women.”
Ask a guy that question and he’ll probably look at you dumbly like you asked him why he wants to breathe.
But the short version is that almost-all-guys just crave variety on a deep and primal level.
And that craving for variety has very little to do with how “hot” a guy’s girlfriend or wife is or even how much sex he’s having at home. (Ouch.)
Now, there’s a lot of possible reasons for that (I’m not going to fill up this article talking about evolutionary biology or sperm competition theory, but it’s all there.)
One of my favorite examples of this comes from David Deida. The story goes that at one of his conferences David asked a room full of guys:
“Would you rather have a magazine with 40 smoking hot pictures of the single most beautiful woman in the world or would you rather have a magazine with pictures of 40 different attractive (but not as attractive) women.”
And every guy in the room chose the second magazine.
There just seems to be something intoxicating about the new girl (or at least the idea of the new girl.)
So why do guys commit?
Well, because guys aren’t JUST animals.
We’re humans.
And as humans we’ve got competing desires that confuse the issue.
Yes, there’s part of any guy that wants to stay single and free and go out and “conquer” as many woman as he possibly can.
But there’s a whole other part of guys (especially as we get into our 30’s and 40’s) that sincerely wants companionship, stability, family and all the other good things one great woman can provide.
I’ve said this before, but for most guys if they could wave a magic wand and change the way the world works, they’d want to have the awesome, amazing wife at home and the ability to go out and sleep with other women every once in a while.
(And while their wife is totally monogamous to them.)
It’s a stupid double standard and no woman should ever agree to that kind of set up.
But again, we’re talking about the irrational mind. This is what his primal irrational brain kind of wants.
(Conversely, many women seem to want a guy who’s 100% addicted to them and who’s penis shrivels up like a snail if he even looks at another woman. Which is also crazy irrational. Those guys don’t exist.)
Anyway, this whole concept can feel a bit depressing at first . . .
Which is why I put together this special video for you . . .
Like I said at the beginning of this article, this video (which I’m honestly a little scared to share because it goes into so much personal detail) lays out exactly how the woman who became my wife made me eagerly choose monogamy and commit to her mind, body and soul . . .
And how she did it without “playing games,” throwing herself at me sexually or even ASKING me to commit at all (by the time I knew what was happening I wanted her and only her and would have done just about anything to make her mine.)
Here’s the link again:
Best,
Michael Fiore
Founder, Digital Romance, Inc
P.S. It’s important to point out here that this isn’t just a guy thing. There are many women out there with a similar craving for variety in their sex partners but the question was about men so that’s what I answered.
P.P.S. Just to go double on record, I’m not saying you should be the dutiful wife at home while your guy goes out and cheats on you behind your back. I’m just saying that’s his deeply sublimated fantasy . . .
I show you exactly how to get him to want you and ONLY you for years, decades or even the rest of your life in this video. If you’re sick of being on the dating roller coaster and feeling “used” by men you really should watch it now.
How To Get A Guy To CHOOSE To Be With You And Only You Without Begging Or Even Asking Him To Change.