Relationship expert Felicity Keith reveals three ways you are unknowingly dumping ice cold water on the flames of his desire…and despite what you may believe, it surprisingly has nothing to do with your looks…
As a woman, you’re probably all too familiar with feeling like you are valued only for your looks. And today, we face a cacophony of messages trying to convince us that our worth is related to our level of physical beauty.
You could earn a PhD in nuclear physics…win the Nobel Peace Prize…run a multi-million dollar business. And you can even be downright gorgeous (yes, you, even rockin’ yoga pants and a hoodie).
Yet none of us can escape it…
Just look at the checkout stand at every grocery, convenience, or drug store. Every magazine cover screams at us…
“GET BIKINI-READY IN 30 DAYS!”
“10 WAYS TO LOSE 10 POUNDS THIS WEEK!”
“RID YOURSELF OF PESKY CELLULITE!”
Everywhere we turn we see impossible images of beauty (that aren’t even real) and it’s no wonder that at the first sign of trouble in our relationships, we become our own worst critic and tear apart our appearance.
If you’re like most women you probably beat yourself up and assume his lack of interest is your fault . . . that it’s about the way you look.
And the funny thing is guys have bought into this beauty b.s. lie, too. If his attraction to you wanes, it’s easy for him to connect it to the physical. Because, hey, he’s told all the time “men are visual creatures”.
So he assumes his lack of interest is related to your looks, too.
But the truth is: When a man loses interest, 99.99% of the time is has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with how a woman looks at all!
Stop shaking your head at me. It’s true!
He might THINK his waning attraction has to do with your appearance.
It’s easy to point to as the reason. But it’s a convenient scapegoat. Not the truth.
His declining desire level has everything to do with how he sees himself through YOUR eyes.
Here’s how it works:
When a man looks at his woman (his girlfriend, his wife, the woman he’s dating who he wants to be truly his) he doesn’t just see YOU. He looks in his eyes and he sees the reflection of himself that YOU see. And if he loses interest it’s usually because the reflection of HIMSELF he sees in your eyes isn’t someone he likes or wants to be at all.
And you reflect how you value him not by what you look like but through your words.
It’s amazing but most women don’t have any real understanding of the great and terrible power we have over men . . .
What you SAY to him can either build him up so he feels like a king . . .
…or tear him to shreds and leave him feeling emasculated and useless.
All because he gets so much of his value as a man from how you see him.
And the scary part is, you might be tearing him to shreds emotionally without even realizing it.
Answer these questions for me…
Question 1: When was the last time you told your man you appreciate him?
In survey after survey (including my Man Panel I personally surveyed in The Language of Desire), men say they value feeling respected and appreciated over feeling loved.
Because part of how men actually interpret L-O-V-E is through respect and appreciation.
Many times in our busy lives we focus on the never-ending to-do list we all have…and we tend to only speak up when there is a problem.
It’s easy to forget to simply thank our partner for the things he does well.
And I know, when he forgot to take the trash out again or STILL hasn’t fixed the wonky garage door, it’s hard to want to shower praise on him.
But I promise, it makes all the difference in the world in how he feels. And when he feels good, he’s not going anywhere.
Question 2: Have you ever torn yourself down after he paid you a compliment?
If you aren’t sure, it sounds something like this…
Him: You look nice, I like that outfit on you.
You: Ugh. I hate how fat my butt looks in these jeans.
Face it, as women, we can be pretty AWFUL about accepting compliments. It’s a leftover relic from being encouraged to be humble and demure from way back.
Think about it…how often do you deflect a compliment, from your man (or anyone)? It is almost second nature to counter a kind word with a disclaimer.
But when you don’t graciously and confidently accept a compliment what you are telling him is that he is wrong.
You are saying that his attraction to you isn’t justified. That you disagree with him thinking you are beautiful and wonderful.
And subconsciously, he begins to question it, too.
Question 3: Do you resent his lack of romance?
This is a tricky question…and one that may make you mad at me ☺
But so many women I work with complain that their guy doesn’t put in enough effort in the romance department. But when I ask what THEY do to ensure a vibrant sex life? They don’t have any examples.
And want to get right back to pointing out what he’s NOT doing.
Look, it’s another line of b.s. that we’ve been fed that sex is his reward for wooing us…or we aren’t supposed to enjoy sex…or we take longer to warm up therefore he’s got to do the work to get us turned on.
The reality is that we can and should take ownership over the quality of our sex lives.
I have found that women who put all or most of the responsibility of “romance” on their man are highly dissatisfied. And guess what? He is too.
But when you empower yourself to contribute to your own satisfaction…an amazing thing happens.
He can relax and stop worrying if he’s doing the whole “romance” thing right (because believe it or not, guys stress about that). Sex becomes FUN again.
And a fire gets lit within him.
He’s inspired to live up to the vision you’ve created of him as the object of your desire.
He can mentally thump his chest (or maybe even literally, it happens) and relish the fantasy of being a total stud-muffin.
All just by whispering a few “magic” words in his ear.
Here’s What You Need To Do Right Now If You Want To Make Sure He Never Loses Interest In You And Never Pulls Away
OK, I think we can both agree that you’ve learned something valuable in this article but I want to do more than just teach you what the problem is . . . I want to give you the power to make your man (or any man) absolutely sexually addicted to you so he feels like the proudest, most powerful man in the world and so he can’t even think about other women.
Which is why I’ve put together this special video for you . . .
What’s amazing about this video is that it reveals the truth about what men are really thinking about when they’re in bed with a woman (when they SHOULD be focused 100% mind, body ad soul on you) . . .
AND teaches you EXACTLY what to say to get him to SNAP back to you like a rubber band, look you right in the eye and feel an incredible level of connection and pride he’s simply never thought was possible before.
Here’s the link again:
P.S. You’ll learn more about the erotic imagination of men in the short time it takes you to watch this video than you would in a lifetime on your own . . .
P.P.S. In this video I tell you a very personal story about how I almost lost my amazing boyfriend and the strange journey that lead me to discover a secret that has saved tens-of-thousands of relationships.